How to Find a Boyfriend

Guys have it easier. It’s quite clear that they should go after what they want. In fact, society dictates that the gentlemen be proactive to find their better half. It’s the accepted norm for them to be doing the chasing.

But for the ladies, it seems like the only option is to wait around. If you were to take things into your own hands, some people might see you as being aggressive, or even worse, desperate. But if you’re not going to take charge of your destiny and sit around, how are you going to find someone?

Thankfully, there are things you can do to get around people’s judgement for going after what you want, and this begins with you.

Yes, you. Focus on becoming a better version of yourself and leave the guys to do the chasing.

Talk to Your Best Guy Friend

Ask your bro out and grab a beer. Assure him that he can be honest (and make sure you mean it!) and ask him if he’ll ever date you and if not, why. Take things objectively and avoid getting defensive; he’s there to help, not to attack you. Listen closely and ask plenty of questions about what guys want. After all, in a healthy relationship, it’s not always about what you want.

Talk to Your Sisters

Gather them, especially those who are already attached and knows you inside out, and ask them about their journey. Allow them to candidly share your shortcomings and how you can sort those issues out. Find out more about their relationships, such as who did the chasing, what the process was and how they dealt with their boyfriend or husband’s imperfections. Having conversations like these help you understand what happens behind the scenes and manage your expectations.

Revise Your Expectations

Speaking of expectations, tall, dark, handsome, smart and rich seems to be every woman’s ideal type, and that means that there’s stiff competition for such men. Destroy that long mental list of expectations that you have and stick to just one (okay fine, up to three) most important trait you expect of your man.  You’ll have to learn to look past some inevitable flaws and focus on the aspects that matter to you most. Everyone has flaws. Even Christian Grey has a dark secret.

Use the Right Amount of Makeup

In a study by beauty brand St Ives, 45% of the 550 men surveyed indicated that too much makeup on a woman is the top turn-off, and most men would prefer a natural look (not necessarily without makeup). What qualifies as too much or natural is anyone’s guess, just keep in mind that you should use makeup to enhance, so use makeup with restraint.

For those of you who don’t use makeup, learn to use it! Remember the video of Chinese women putting on makeup on half their faces and then revealing the other half that’s au naturel? That’s what makeup can do for you. But as we mentioned before, keep it light with the goal of enhancement, not transformation.

Be a woman

You want your man manly. Likewise, your man will want his woman to be womanly, too. There are certain things that you should leave the men to do when they offer, such as sending you home, paying for your meals and opening the door for you. Sure, it’s nice when you volunteer to do things for him or on your own, but when you exhibit too much independence, the guy may feel like they are unable to care for you. In extreme cases, he might even feel intimidated. While there’s nothing wrong with being an independent woman, men want to feel that they can be depended upon. Graciously accept their gestures, and if possible, create opportunities for the guy to care for you.

Get Yourself Out There

For guys to find you, you’ll have to make yourself discoverable. Get yourself on social media, join networking groups and hobby groups, participate in dating events and catch up with old friends, anything that puts people in contact with you.

Cover photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Photos by Hưng Nguyễn on Unsplash and Kaboompics // Karolina on Pexels