It is not easy for strong and independent women in Asia to find love. This is especially so here in Singapore. In the past, women were encouraged to be educated and ambitious, yet play a subservient role in relationships.
There has never been a more confusing time for both genders than now. For the women, a lady who has seen success in her career and appears assertive on her life goals can come across as being overly aggressive. And for the men, the line between chivalry and chauvinism has never been thinner. Yet the proliferation of influencers and social media helps little by stereotyping successes in both genders as being represented by perfectly sculpted bodies, gilded lifestyles, and material comforts.
What relationship advice would a blissfully married businesswoman, give her successful and independent girlfriends about men and relationships?
Dating expert and Director of Fabrique Love, YingYing has spent almost a decade helping men and women ace the dating game and find the love of their life.
If you’re a strong woman who hasn’t found a partner, you’re not alone. Today, we share some insights Yingying has gained over the years on how single, financially independent ladies with the right mindset can find blissful love.
Understand yourself – sounds simple, but it’s really about being honest with yourself, right down to your own strengths, faults and pet peeves. More importantly, what has worked and hasn’t worked for you and what you’re looking to change in your life.
What is important to you?
Again, sounds simple? Not quite.
Forget the cliches. Think of the bottom lines. Do you want to start a family? Are family relationships important to you? Do you like what you do at work? Are you prepared to prioritize and choose if you have to?
For some, appearances are all that matter – because it’s what helps them at work. Every moment has to be Instagram perfect, so their choice in life partners follows accordingly.
For others, they understand life is about choices. You may have a list of requirements, but so does your partner. Understanding and meeting each other’s needs is critical in any relationship – mother and child, wife and husband, daughter and mother.
Finding someone you’re willing to make a change for makes all the difference. Change may involve compromise, it may not. For example, if you’re highly family-oriented, would you be able to accept someone who shuns family crowds but willing to brave the Chinese New Year family fiesta for you? Or would you prefer someone who loves the family crowd but prioritizes his family’s needs over yours?
Be honest about your lifestyle ideals especially when it ranks high on your list of priorities and when it comes to communicating with your partner. Understanding all this ahead of time keeps disagreements minimal.
What traits would you need in a husband?
Having considered your strengths, faults, priorities, and needs, now think about the traits that you may need for a lasting everyday relationship in a husband.
Remember – you’re not looking for traits your friends just saw in a character portrayed in the recent Korean hit drama or the ideals that your mother wished she had in your father. Be realistic, be focused.
What are your pet peeves about men?
And are any of those excusable? Consider the traits, behavior, and habits that are totally intolerable to you.
Are you really that lovable? What is it that people love about you?
Be honest with yourself when it comes to realizing your best traits and shortcomings. However, this is not about gloating, guilt-tripping yourself or downplaying your worth.
While it is advised to manage your expectations, YingYing also reminds to not overly downplay your ideals and personality when on dates and finding your partner.
Conditioning Your Mind
Correct your perception of masculinity.
Traditionally, women have been groomed to think that men should be taller, wealthier, stronger and more successful, even when they are totally capable of being the provider themselves.
So why continue subscribing to such stereotypes if it doesn’t suit you?
Instead of finding such ideals in a man, YingYing encourages women to be clear about one thing – who can they live with, day in day out and who supports not just their success at work, but helps to share the burden of family and life?
As YingYing often quips, when women come to her asking for men who are as successful or more successful than they are – “Do not confuse wealth with generosity.”
Saying so, this is not about “settling” or “lowering your expectations”, it’s about knowing what’s important to you, and not your friends and family. Finding a man who is supportive of your endeavours is putting your needs first.
Look Nice. Look Approachable.
Don’t worry – we’re not suggesting that you lose inches off your waist or find the need to arrange for a facial or body augmentation procedure. Rather, we’re encouraging you to dress appropriately when you’re out with your friends.
Most successful women groom themselves well, always dressing appropriately for work and fun alike.
However, when it comes to dating, instead of dolling up to impress, consider dressing up to look more approachable. Lose the power suit and stilettos, go with the sunny day dress or laid back jeans, not forgetting some light makeup.
If you feel good in what you’re wearing, you’ll look good; confidence is everything!
Always remember that your circumstances do not define who you are. Whether you have faced rejections in the past, it does not define your worth and who you are as a person. Always remember this and never let anyone convince you otherwise.
Having the correct mindset makes you happier and gives you a better sense of security about life. Focus on your personal goals and live life to the fullest. Your positivity will naturally attract others into your life.
Equipped with these four pieces of advice, you’re now ready to mix and mingle!